Welcome to Nowhere

Pilfered shamelessly from Alyson, but primarily because I’m too goddamn lazy to actually write anything.

Writing Tips 
1.    Do not get side-tracked. If onions are the most consumed vegetable in the world, why are fire engines red?  
2.    Avoid starting sentences with a non-specific pronoun. It is not a good way to begin.  
3.    Prepositions are words you should not end sentences with.  
4.    Avoid clichés like the plague. Now ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black.  
5.    Keep away from ampersands & abbreviations, etc. within the body of the text.  
6.    Parenthetical remarks are unnecessary (and should be avoided).  
7.    It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.  
8.    Contractions shouldn’t appear in your paper.  
9.    Foreign words and phrases are not apropos or chic.  
10.  Like most people, one should never generalize.  
11.  Eliminate quotations. As Mark Twain once said: ”Quoting the witticisms of others only shows the lack of quotable wit.”  
12.  Comparisons are as bad as clichés.  
13.  Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it is very excessive.  
14.  Profanity sucks.  
15.  Be more or less specific.  
16.  Understatement is always best.  
17.  Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.  
18.  Can I use one-word sentences? No.  
19.  Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.  
20.  The passive voice is to be avoided.  
21.  Go around the barn at high noon to avoid jargon or gibberish.  
22  Who needs rhetorical questions?  
23  Be careful to use apostrophe’s correctly.  
24.  Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.  
25.  And never start a sentence with a conjunction. And, but, and or will not get you very far.